January 23, 2017
I suppose today would be a good day to start my first blog post.
Today, I attended the funeral services of a guy I barely knew. I learned more about him in his obituary than I did in the 3 dates I went with him, and that is something I will always regret. Tommy was the last person I dated in attempt of getting over my ex. I don’t think I ever gave him the full benefit of getting to know me, and vice versa, and I know that now. Hearing all the kind words everyone had to say about him, I realized I never gave him a chance, and never got to know him the way he deserved. That is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life.
But from the brief time I knew him, here’s what I learned. Tommy was full of life, and he always said what he meant. I took that for immaturity. Tommy never made the first move; he was a gentleman, and always did what I wanted. I took that for submission. Tommy took the time to do his research about me, remembered all our conversations, so he can assure me that he listens. I took that for stalking. I took everything Tommy had to offer for granted, all because I wasn’t ready to let anyone in my life.
The last thing I received from him was a text message, one week prior to his death. He had sent me a cryptic message, then quickly replied, “sorry, that was meant for someone else”. I figured since he wasn’t trying to reach me, I wouldn’t have to respond, so I didn’t. Looking back, I wish that I had, because I knew deep down, that text really was meant for me. The hardest part about death is the lack of a goodbye. I never got to say my goodbyes; I never thought I would ever have to. He was such a sweet guy, and I really did want to be his friend.
So today, I attended a funeral of a guy I barely knew, and I left knowing what a great soul Heaven has gained. So here’s to you, Tommy: I know I’m too late, but being surrounded my your loved ones, it was my loss for losing you. You truly have left behind a legacy, and you will truly be missed. One day or one year, it doesn’t take long for someone to see the good in you, and the goodness you have radiated. You will forever be missed, and you will live forever in my heart. I really do wish I would have gotten more time with you. I could have learned a lot from you. But one thing I did learn, is life is short. Life is unexpected. But life can be beautiful. Even in the light of death. Until we meet again. Love always.
“but it is the smallest things you miss when you lose someone. like the last kiss you shared and the last time you looked into their eyes. those are the things that kill you. those are the things you take with you as time goes by” -R. M. Drake